January 18, 2012, is Pure Life Day!

Grab your friends, recruit your youth group, get the word out: Wednesday, January 18, 2012, is your day to take a stand! This is way more than saying “No” to all the things you need to avoid. Pure Life Day is all about the amazing things you can say “Yes” to—your incredible God, good friends and loving other people with a crazy-generious heart. Visist www.purelovepurelife.com to sign the Pure Life pledge, joining others who have already committed to this exciting vision for pure living. Signing the pledge will also enter you into a drawing to receive a Pure Life T-shirt and a signed copy of the Pure Love, Pure Life book. To find out more and to meet the author, Elsa Kok Colopy, during a LiveStream web event, go to www.purelovepurelife.com.

If I’d been born a pioneer woman—life in a buttoned-up dress, lacy bonnet, and sturdy boots—the only men who would have crossed my path would have been smelly, obsessed with gold and completely disinterested in my dusty, tough-girl self. Without TV or a computer, I’d never be exposed to what those smelly men may have looked like beneath their clothing. Keeping my heart focused on godly stuff would’ve been a breeze. What kind of girl thinks passionate thoughts or gets lost in racy images while trudging through six feet of snow to catch (and kill) a rabbit, field mouse or muskrat for dinner?

Unfortunately, I was born into a world where guys smell good, searching for romance wins over muskrat hunting, and images assault me at every turn. The images were innocent enough at first.

Looking for Love
As a little girl, I loved watching all the happily-ever-after movies and TV shows. I’d dream of my knight in shining armor—what he might look like, what kind of flowers he’d bring as he rode in on his horse, that type of thing. So I began looking for him—everywhere.

Louis was the first one to catch my eye. We were in the third grade. He was tall, I was tall. Obviously we were meant to be together forever. I used all my third grade womanly wiles to get Louis’s attention: I punched him in the arm, chased him at recess and beat him in a contest to see who could jump the furthest off the swings. When I felt like I’d captured his heart, I let him know, in my gentle, womanly way, that it was time for us to take it to the next level and hold hands.

Maybe I moved a wee bit fast because Louis seemed to drift away after that. And then to add insult to injury, he asked Lisa—the only other tall girl in the class—to the school fair at the end of the year. I was crushed.

My crushes started like that—harmless, innocent. But when Dominic took me behind the school to kiss me and then tried to look down my shirt, it freaked me out a little. I wondered, just for a second, if I might be in over my head.

When it came to kissing, touching, and sex, I was told what I should do: My parents encouraged me to stand for purity. My church told me to keep my hands to myself. Infomercials told me to be smart and be good. Well, all the reasoning I heard from those authority figures seemed to fly out the window when boys like Gary leaned in to kiss me and spoke words that melted my heart: “You’re so beautiful ... ” Mmmm. I thought. Kiss me again!

Besides, impurity seemed like a different kind of sin. I knew to stay away from drugs and alcohol and not to steal, kill or lie. But then again I didn’t wake up when I was 10 years old wondering what it would be like to smoke pot or drink a beer. I didn’t dream of stealing from the local department store. But I did wake up wondering what it would be like to kiss Louis.

These mixed messages littered my childhood, drenched my adolescence and sidelined my teenage years. I got that I should stay away from drugs and alcohol. But romance? Love? Intimacy? How did that even compare? What did purity even mean? No French-kissing? No touching the “private” zones? No thoughts? It seemed far too confusing to put it all together so I didn’t even try.

Movin Fast
And then I fell in love. Darren fit the bill for the knight in shining armor I’d been looking for all those years. The love we shared was the most intense feeling I’d known. I couldn’t seem to remember why it was so important to keep my hands to myself or wait until marriage to have sex. And where was the line again?

In the middle of trying to figure it all out, we didn’t do a lot to fight the temptations. Even though we were both Christians who had been taught differently, we ended up going further and further until ultimately, we had sex. We felt guilty at first, but that seemed to lessen as time went on. After all, we weren’t really having sex, we were making love, and in my brain that made all the difference.

Then Darren broke up with me.

We’d been dating for one year.

I was devastated.

I was crazy about him, and I didn’t understand why he would walk away from something so good.

I was miserable. I missed Darren so much, and it literally took years to get over my broken heart.

At the time I thought it was because I was so in love with him. But I understand now that something much bigger happened when we became intimate. When we had sex, we became one. Breaking that bond severed my heart.

Then the consequences hit: I felt used. Disappointed with myself. The painful realization that I’d given away something I couldn’t get back.

I thought I was giving myself to the man I would spend the rest of my life with ... now, when I did meet that forever guy, I’d have to explain how I’d given myself to someone else.

And then came the temptation. Oh, wow. Since I’d gone there once, it was so tough not to just make the same decision over and over again. What did it matter now? I tried to rebuild what was lost, but I really had no clue what that even looked like.

What’s Happening?
I stayed away from guys of every shape and size for a season. But then Mike came into the picture. And then John. I had recommitted myself to waiting for sex until marriage, but my picture of purity was messed up. I had it in my head that it was just saying no to sex. Do whatever you want, think whatever you want, spend time with whoever you want—but just don’t have sex. It was a rule, and so I pushed its boundaries. Somewhere inside I wanted to be a “good” girl. I mean, it sounded like a right thing, but I still didn’t know exactly what that looked like or, realistically, if I would ever be able to live it out.

While I was struggling to figure all that out, I met a Navy guy with blond hair, blue eyes and a contagious laugh. Again, I let down my guard. We fell in love and our relationship became physical. I justified it because I was older and “Hey, we’re definitely getting married.”

Unfortunately, because we had sex to turn to, we ignored a lot of the red flags in our relationship. We got married and had a beautiful baby girl. Only four years later, we went through a tragic divorce. My life seemed to unravel, and those childhood, romantic happily-ever-after dreams seemed forever lost.

I showed up at a small church one Sunday morning, reeking of cigarette smoke from being out the night before. I was nervous and I kept one eye on the door just in case things got weird and I needed to make a quick exit.

It was the pastor and his wife who blocked my escape at the end of service. They had nice smiles, and they shook my hand and looked me in the eye. They invited me over for lunch and asked me about my life. They didn’t cringe or grimace or make faces. And they were nice to my daughter.

I decided I might like to go back.

That’s how God worked with me. He was gentle. I was like a scared puppy, skittish and nervous. And He was like a dog whisperer. He didn’t make any sudden moves. He held out His hand and waited for me to approach. In my timing and in my way.

Understanding God’s Heart
I began to discover that God really loved me and cared about what happened to me. The more I got to know Him, the more I realized how much He wanted to be my knight in shining armor, the love of my life. I learned that the reason He wanted me to live purely was to protect me.

As I began to understand His heart, I figured out that He longed for me to trust Him to map out my life, pick my guy and protect me from getting my heart broken.

I was single for 12 years before I met the man God had for me. In that time I really started living purity more as an identity, a way of life, an understanding of God’s love. I was learning more and more that it went beyond saying no to sex: it’s what I think, do, see and choose to experience.

When I started dating the man of my dreams, I was determined not to mess things up again. He was, too. We dated, and the closer we grew, the tougher it was to hold on to our convictions.

I’d love to tell you, “Don’t worry. Once you understand God’s heart and make the commitment, the whole thing is a piece of cake.” It’s not even close. I was going to marry Brian, so obviously I thought he was sexy. And it’s not like we shook hands with two feet of air between us at all times. We kissed and I confess (only to you) that sometimes I had a tough time not reaching for his tushie in the midst of our embrace. I wanted more. I wanted him.

So, no, it wasn’t easy. And it won’t be easy for you.

But it IS worth it.

And God gave us the supernatural strength to avoid ripping each other’s clothes off prior to the wedding. And now our marriage is incredible as a result.

When I married Brian, I walked down the aisle in white. We had a wedding night that left us both breathless and delighted. It was beautiful. Just right.

That may sound goofy and just the kind of thing I should say, but it’s true. People roll their eyes when they listen to us talk or watch us interact. We’re still stupid in love and a big part of that is because we both love God and we’ve fought through some of the toughest temptations together.

My Dream for You
I want that for you. I want you to know the good things that choosing purity can bring—no matter your past or whether you’ve gotten it all right or struggled in some areas. Listen, I know what it’s like to pursue intimacy that feels good in the moment but ultimately turns south. I even know what it’s like when the choice is taken away and someone touches you or takes a part of you that they didn’t have any right to take.

I also know what it’s like to feel God’s love in a way that really changes things, and to live faith in the toughest moments of heartache or temptation. You can do this. You can learn to guard your heart, protect your body and love God with all that you are.

Back to our pioneer woman. Maybe you, too, wish you lived in the days of buttoned-up beauty and smelly guys. But you don’t. Guys today are anything but smelly. They’re tough to resist. There are sexual images all over the place and temptation around every turn. So don’t walk this road alone. Let God remind you that you’re deeply loved, and that even if this is a broken area in your life, even if you’re dealing with the painful consequences of your own choices or the cruel choices of another, God can heal and restore and rebuild. He’s that good, and He loves you that much.

So won’t you join me? Will you walk with me along this road to purity of heart, mind and body? It’s a very difficult path and not for the faint of heart. But it’s a road that will lead you to such amazing things. It’s a road designed by God for your best, for your future—which holds so much more than you can even begin to imagine.

Copyright Elsa Kok Colopy, © 2012, used by permission of Zondervan®. All rights reserved.

Elsa Kok Colopy is passionate about purity. She has authored five books and hundreds of articles and is a sought-after speaker with a deep desire to communicate God’s heart. Elsa and her husband, Brian, live in Colorado Springs, Colo., and are the proud parents of four adult children and two handsome pups.

We’re giving away 14 copies of Elsa’s book Pure Life, Pure Love! To enter, send an email to info@susiemag.com and label it I WANT PURE LOVE! Be sure to include your first and last name and complete snail mail address. Winners will be selected at random and will be announced in March.