Susan Dunaway is a counselor at Resonate Relationship Clinic and an adjunct professor of psychology at Johnson County Community College. As a counselor she is blessed to work with teens to help them become healthier, happier and more at peace with who they are. She is married to John and they have two young sons, Eli (5) and Liam (3).
Welcome to 2012! The holidays are behind us and we’re looking forward to the year ahead. Did you receive (or maybe you already had) a phone, tablet, gaming system or some other technology-based gift? These can be so much fun … and addictive! I love technology, but I’ve also noticed that sometimes technology keeps us distant from one another.
Wait, aren’t these things supposed to help connect us? Yes, of course they can; we can have fabulous interactions with our friends and family. Parents certainly like to know that they can reach us on our cells at any time … and that’s great. But, what about when technology keeps us from connecting to the people in our physical presence?
I recently saw a picture on the Internet of a basket where people had placed their cell phones. A sign on the basket explained, “Be with the friends who are here.” How many times are we not really present with those around us because we are interacting with those not around us? Its not always a bad thing—if your mom sends you a text message of course you should answer her right away. But, aren’t most of your messages not so pressing?
There is a time for all the great stuff technology offers. The problem is, however, that it’s available almost all the time, so much so that it’s hard to put healthy boundaries on it. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who kept playing a game, looking at their computer or reading someone else’s texts? No one likes feeling that a screen is more important than they are. I wonder if that’s how others feel when they try to talk to us only to be interrupted by the multiple text messages we receive.
Relationships are important to Jesus. He came from Heaven in order to reconcile us to the Father so that we could have a relationship with Him. He chose 12 disciples to spend enormous amounts of time with. Jesus went out of His way to truly know others. He is our model; so if technology hinders our relationships, then we need to makes some changes.
In 2012 I encourage you to watch the time you spend on technology versus face-to-face interactions. One goal might be to make the person you are spending time with feel valued by really listening to them. Put your cell phone on vibrate and don’t hold it in your hand to look at during your time with them.
Also, choose to have some of your conversations in person. As a general rule, do not have a conflict with someone via text message or IM. That’s because about 80% of our communication (in person) is conveyed without words. We read body language and listen to tone of voice even more than we listen to actual words. It’s easier to have a misunderstanding when you are both reading the words, which could lead to drama that did not need to happen. And really, who needs more drama?
I’ve also noticed that we tend to be meaner when we are not facing someone. It’s easier to say hurtful words sitting at a computer or typing them into your phone. If you would not look the person in the eyes and say it to her face, then it should not be said (it may be best not to look at her and say it as well, but that’s a different blog!).
I would love to hear how you use technology in good and not-so-good ways. We can all learn from each other. May 2012 be a year of renewed relationships!